Slump.

 That's just it. A steep fall. Plunge. Collapse. Plummet. Slump.

There's nothing new about this, not to me. If you ever catch me saying my life is full of ups and downs, be rest assured I'm not talking about challenges. I'm talking about feeling. Two weeks ago, I was on top of my game. Effective and efficient, ticking almost every box at the end of the day. I always had a plan and I always followed through. My dopamine levels were soaring. Now, I'm stressed and frustrated for no reason. I've spent the last few days trying and failing to get back into a productive routine. If I had to sum up how I felt right now, I'd simply say life sucks.

I know it doesn't but it definitely feels like it. It feels like I can't do anything right. And as I type this, I'm smiling to myself because I just remembered a sermon I listened to about not cursing the darkness. Deep down, I'm fine. I know I am. And I know it's stupid to be more in touch with my feelings than with the facts, especially as a Christian, but for me slumps are more than that. 

I have deadlines to meet and goals to achieve but I feel like I can't do anything, like I quite literally lack the ability to do what need to be done. This writeup is the best example; it's taking me over an hour to write what you'll read in two minutes. More than all that, I'm inexplicably tired. All the time. I cannot count the amount of times that I've uttered the words 'I'm tired' in the past week, even though I shouldn't. 

And I've more or less lost the ability to share. I just can't. 

I read Moniye's post this morning and it was just what I needed to hear, but it's five minutes to six in the evening and though I've achieved something, I've definitely not achieved as much as I'd like and I'll beat myself up for it, as usual. I want to do better. And I know exactly what I need to do (I think). The thought of my days, my life, wasting is eating me up but...it is what it is? No one's fault but my own.

I've yet to figure out how to work through a slump. I know it's possible, it has to be. I just don't know how. The better days ahead are a little too far right now. 

Here's to running on empty. 

Thank you so much for sticking around! Please comment and share!